In this piece, Lebronnyconcepts got the opportunity to interact with a sister, a survivor, a dreamer, a mother to her daughter and daughter to her parents. Being a social, i have met this sister during the academic period, i have since known her to be strong and a survivor of life, with special reference to tertiary life which is not for the faint hearted. This sister of mine is nowhere closer to being faint-hearted!
The 23 year Ramokone Matlou Maleka, told has unleashed without limits, her raw undisguised memoir based on no fiction but personal experience. Are such stories that we find more motivating and inspiring than just celebrating accolades without understanding the hardships that people undergo for such achievements. I deeply believe, that there is a story, similar to Ramokone’s behind every conferred and capped head. Moreover, are such true stories that will do more inspirational job than the picture in social media. Such are stories of faith, hope, patience, believe, determination, focus and many other aspects that need to be invested in the accomplishment of any mission set for human development!
Ushering us into this this profound personal life treatise, it was Mike Gafka who said: “To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can’t just accept the ones you like”.
This is dedicated to all the female students who are struggling with their degrees/diplomas, whom are finding it very difficult to see themselves completing their levels of study, all I can say to you ladies is hold on, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel and every dark cloud has its silver lining, just hold on.
” 2009 an innocent girl doing her grade 9, full of life, full of hope, looking forward to the bright future, anything and everything was possible, I had a killer sense of humor, well come to think of it I still do, I was well known for my vibrant personality, I was still unsure about what exactly I wanted to be in the future, all I knew was that I wanted to be rich, I wanted a big family, I wanted everything good that life had to offer and at that time I knew nothing about love and boys
There was this other cute couple I knew, the boy was in grade 11 and the girl in grade 10, they were goals, I adored them, the girl was an inch or two taller than the guy, she was drop dead gorgeous, the guy was yummy, he had this bad boy thing going and I literally stared at them whenever I came across them. But then one day they broke up, I didn’t really care what they did, until the boy came on to me, I was overwhelmed, super excited and couldn’t understand why a cool boy like him could like an ordinary girl like me, especially considering how goals his ex was, I felt I didn’t stand a chance, but then something in me just felt the need to explore, all my friends were dating at that time, they knew what sex was, and they loved telling me their relationship stories I had other boys come up to me before, but I just felt that this one was the one for me, although I felt he was out of my league, I was willing to take a chance, and so we started dating, he loved me, he loved me fiercely and I loved him twice as much, he was the center of my world, he was my everything, we were in love, i trusted him enough to let him break my virginity and so he did. 2011 he completed his matric and had to move to a higher institution, I was doing my grade 11, our relationship was now a long distance relationship, we spent more time apart, we were now living separate lives, the only thing that binded us together was our love for each other, I stayed in our old world, he built a new life in a new world, he met a girl, he and I lost touch with each other, he called less, stopped texting and he stopped coming home to see me, I knew in my heart that I had lost him. He came home one day, he called me so that we can meet up to talk (normally that meant have sex) but this time he really wanted to talk, it was the beginning of the end for us, my heart was shattered into small little pieces, I couldn’t believe my eyes, my world was over, I had lost my everything, I cried myself to sleep that night, I couldn’t imagine life without this guy, I spent so much time of my high school life with him, what was I going to do now, who was I gonna date now, no guy compares to him, I can’t date anyone, and so I made a decision, it was either I mope around, feel sorry for myself and throw pity parties for myself, or take school seriously, pass my matric with flying colors and get the hell out of that place so that I can go to a place where I can get the necessary tools to build myself a hardcore foundation of life that didn’t involve me depending on a man and so I did, I studied hard, day in and out, i worked my ass off and I passed my matric in 2012 with a bachelor, I got accepted in the university of Limpopo I finally had the key out of my father’s house and the chance to get away from the man who broke my heart.
“EVERYTHING BE OK. MAYBE NOT RIGHT NOW, BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL BE”- Maleka R.M
2013: I was doing my first year, I found myself in a new environment, adrenaline rushed straight to my head. I came and went as I pleased I met new people from different provinces, people with different principles than mine. I made new friends, to my surprise my friends in 2013 were two boys. I met one of them during registrations and met the other through the one I met during registrations, they were also my study mates as we studied the same degree. I also made friends with a girl, she was like my other half, I loved her, we walked the same walk and talked the same talk, she was more experienced because she was repeating her first level in varsity. She knew the corners of the varsity and she and I were inseparable, she and I lived in the same place, so we spent a lot of time together. Academically, I was struggling, I couldn’t find my feet at this degree, it was so hard, I didn’t understand anything. I mean here I was studying a computer science degree and I knew nothing about computers, we didn’t have a computer at home and computers were only introduced in my high school when I was in my last few months of my matric. I was so frustrated I gave up so many times that year, that had it not been for my two boys I would’ve failed all my modules completely. My girl friend was more into fashion than into books, so she and I slayed ourselves out of 2013. During the first semester of my freshman I met a guy, he was my statistics tutor, he and I started flirting with each other and eventually had intercourse. Our thing didn’t have a title, was it a relationship, a fling, a one night stand and I didn’t have it in me to ask, one day I used his phone to Whats-App, he flipped so much that he blocked me on social media and stopped communicating with me. I was hurt, I hated him and everything associated with him and hence I hated statistics, I stopped attending tutorials and eventually failed that module. He then realized the damage he had caused and tried to make contact with me again, he reached out through my friends, through social media and eventually came to me to apologize. I didn’t care much whether he apologized or not, the damage was already done, so whether he apologized or not, it didn’t make much difference, so I dismissed him immediately and cut contact with him. I got the taste of the bitter side of varsity, I didn’t know that people could play with other’s emotions until varsity. I failed most of my first semester modules that year. I decided to dedicate myself to my books during second semester. I was so focused on my books that I didn’t have any time for boys, one day I decided to pay my boys a visit, we had a study appointment as I wanted one of them to help me with a module that gave me a hard time (applied 102). During our study a boy came, he was nothing like the guy I ever imagined but I fell hard for him, he was a friend to one of the boys. During this time I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t date until I was completely ready, but I fell so hard for this one that I broke the promise I made to myself hahaha it happens. I dated him, our love was so different from my first love back at home. This one was more of a friend to me than a lover. I was so free around him, he was my ying and I was his yang, he was that person who knew exactly what was on my mind without me telling him about it He made me feel like a queen, but one day he told me something that shocked me for ages. He told me he had a girlfriend and that they had a son together. I couldn’t understand how, I mean, I spent so much time with this man, how on earth did he manage to keep that away from me. He then gave me a choice, he told me he loved me and that he didn’t want to lose me but he also told me that he loved his girlfriend she was the mother of his son. He couldn’t break up with her because, he’d say “I don’t want my son to grow up without a father”. I was so madly in love with him that I felt I had nothing to lose but him, so I took a chance and stayed in that relationship. I was now officially a side chick!. I spent most my time wondering how did I get here rather than enjoying my love with the man I loved (I was so delusional jerrrr), two years later we broke, your probably asking yourself if I had the chance to go back to him and be his side chick again would I do it, the answer is no I wouldn’t , but I am grateful for what he and I shared with each other, it cleansed my heart from all the pain of my first love and of the statistics guy.
2014: My year academically, I was repeating my first year first semester modules, I was excelling, normally students say “you’re doing it with experience”. I failed once, I made mistakes once. I wasn’t going to repeat them again, plus my parents were so disappointed because they didn’t expect a fail, so I wanted to prove to them that I was capable of excellence and so I did, passed all my modules with two distinctions one for Mathematics and one for Statistics, hahaaa yesssssss I said STATISTICS!! It wasn’t easy but I was so proud of myself. I did something I never thought was possible, pass 100% of the computer science degree’s modules, a rural girl like me, who grew up without a computer, and that made me realize that yazin I got this Yes it wasn’t easy, but if I could do it once, then I can certainly do it again, and again, until I finish my degree
2015: This was the year that changed my life completely. I was still excelling academically, doing good and pushing hard to complete my degree. I was in my second level now, already doing my majors, Statistics and Operations Research, each level of study came with a new challenge Normally at the beginning of each semester it seems impossible, but the pride that came with persisting and working hard each day to get that pass at the end was just too good of a feeling to miss, and so I worked hard, focused my thoughts on the pass, and the graduations, I laid the first semester to rest 100%
Second semester was now here, I normally call my second semester the hell semester, because all my energy has been drained by the first semester and my mind is just exhausted. From being optimistic and persistent, but even though that was the case I still didn’t give in, because I promised myself that giving up was not an option, especially when my future of independence was on the line. I made friends with a girl who was studying a completely different degree from mine, she studied BSc Agricultural sciences and majored with pasture sciences, she was hilarious, the funniest I had ever met. We spent a lot of our free time together, one day one of her male friends knocked on my door looking for her, I opened the door, I looked at him and he looked at me, we had a small talk about food, because he just bought some takeaways and I was cooking, I then showed him his friend’s room. The following day, my friend came to my room telling me that he (guy from last night) was asking for my number, I felt so attracted to him that I told her to give it to him and so she did, he was possessive, he was so different from the guys that I have ever been with. Something in me kept on telling me to stay away from him, but I didn’t listen, I felt something strong inside for him, and so I just couldn’t stay away from him, it wasn’t love, it wasn’t like, but I don’t know what it was, he didn’t treat me the way I knew I deserved, in actual fact it was the exact opposite of how I knew I deserved, I think he was only with me for the sex, and the boys status. One day I made a decision to stay away from him completely, and that’s when he decided to come on to me heavily, we slept together that night and it was that night that I fell pregnant. In the morning he woke up, looked at me in the eyes and said “we made a baby last night, you are pregnant”, I laughed and told him that was impossible he replied “OKAY” and walked out. I thought about it for a minute, but immediately dismissed the thought, because a baby was just not an option! I didn’t have money for a morning after pill and I didn’t even bother asking him because I knew he was the most stingiest guy on earth, a broke ass, three weeks later I missed my period, I decided to go to the doctor to check what was the problem. The doctor did some tests and took my blood, he then decided to take a pregnancy test, it came back positive!! I was scared to death the first thing that clicked in my mind was: I am going to be a single mother, what are my parents going to say, what was he going to say?! I quickly went to his place to tell him, he didn’t seem to have much problem with it, in fact he told me to not consider an abortion as he said “you must never think of aborting that child, think of ways to tell your parents, I will do the same”. He was doing his final level of study, and I was doing my second, few weeks later, he stopped talking to me, he actually started acting like I didn’t exist, he ignored me when he saw me, until I sent him a text telling him to man up to his responsibilities. He came around, checked up on me every day, the last time I saw him I was two months pregnant, in December 2015
2016: I was doing my final level of study, I was pregnant and alone, but then I made a promise to myself, to always keep my books a priority, because every man I have ever been with let me down, including the one who impregnated me. So depending on a man in the future was just not an option, and so I carried my pregnancy, the best way that any woman without the support of a baby daddy would. I was strong, I had courage, and focused my mind on the positive. I cried myself to sleep every night, I spent my days socializing and laughing with classmates and friends, and I spent my nights sobbing and wetting my pillow. I attempted to commit suicide once, my friend at the time stopped me, and convinced me it wasn’t worth it, she made me realize that what I was carrying was a blessing from the Almighty himself, a lot of woman wish they could get at least a day of that but unfortunately can’t. She made me realize that being a single mother wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to me, but losing my baby over an irresponsible guy who refused to man up to his actions was. One day I decided to confront my baby daddy, I sent him a text on Whats-App. I faked getting a miscarriage, I wanted to see what his reaction to that would be, he was so relieved that he dismissed me with so much joy that night, haaa! The following morning I sent him a text telling him that I didn’t get a miscarriage I just wanted to show him how absent he was in the pregnancy and this was his response: “look I know that I haven’t been supportive to you and the baby and I am sorry for that, but you know that the day that our baby was conceived I was drunk and not in my right state of mind, I am not saying that getting pregnant is your fault nor am I saying that it is mine, this pregnancy is the biggest mistake of my life, and I hate you for it, this baby is ruining my life and interrupting my future plans for myself, I don’t love you in fact you disgust me and I curse the day I ever met you, you are using this baby to trap me to be yours forever and that will never happen because I love somebody else and I will not leave the woman I love simply because I happened to impregnate some random chick, i cannot be there for you and the baby, tell me when the baby is born and I promise to take care of it financially until it is old enough to visit, stop telling people that I am your children’s father, erase every picture you have of me in your phone and delete my number, you don’t worth my attention”. He then continued to block my number on social media, I was six months pregnant when all this happened. I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t be sad!! I just forwarded the message to people I considered my pillars, they were shocked and asked me several times f I was OK, and my response to them was: “ yes I am fine”. I have been pregnant for six months and i last saw the guy when I was two months pregnant, so yes I was fine. I granted him his wish and stayed the hell away from him. I prayed every day and night to God to please give me strength, as I couldn’t go through all that by myself. I asked God what is it that I had done so wrong to deserve to be treated like that, why me? I hated myself, I hated my pregnancy, I prayed for a miscarriage every day because I didn’t want to be the reason my baby daddy’s life was ruined. I didn’t eat, I didn’t drink water, I had no appetite for food, I just wanted to die. I remember one day after bathing I was naked looking at myself standing in front of the mirror, LOL. I didn’t recognize myself, busy starring at myself in front of the mirror I could hear his voice telling me all those words, his voice full of hate and disgust. I looked away, it was too much for me, I was ashamed, I felt guilty, and I saw what he saw, a disgusting person who’s pregnancy was from the devil himself, how could I let this happen to myself. I had plans for my future, all I wanted was to get married first and have kids later. This was not part of the plan, but then life happens while we are busy planning and so life happened.
Months went by and on the 16th of May 2016 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, I didn’t know what I was feeling for the child until she opened her eyes for the first time and looked into mine. Heee Modimo! I knew right there that God had done me justice by releasing one of his most precious jewels, his angel to come to earth to invade my world and make it a better place to live in. I couldn’t stop thanking him for that, I felt blessed, I felt favored, I felt his presence in that room, and I felt him smiling at me. I was so proud of myself, like woman you really went through nine months all by yourself and came back with a healthy beautiful baby?! like wow. I’m proud of you. I made a call to my baby daddy to tell him I gave birth, he was graduating on the 18th of May 2016. He asked what gender was the baby, what was the baby’s names and so I told him, at that time he was appointed for an internship, silly me, I thought he would start taking care of the baby financially like he said he would, he didn’t, months went by, he was posting this other girl on social media, yes I was stalking him, I needed closure, one day I decided to go through this girl’s page, I came to realize that she was pregnant, and it was her last trimester. My jaw dropped on the ground, and I fumed with rage. I called the bastard and gave him a piece of my mind. All this time he made me feel guilty for being pregnant meanwhile he was the baby making machine, with a weak ass pull out game and an allergy to wearing a condom, he had some nerve, busy acting like he was holier than thou meanwhile he’s just an irresponsible bastard whom is skilled in insulting women, some women out there really know how to raise bastards with itching d**s and heads full of petrol, thinking about that son of a #@*! still boils my blood, but hey that was the bed I made for myself, I ignored all the signs that told me he was a bastard, and now I am a single mother.
Fortunately, by God’s grace I completed all my first semester modules for my final level with flying colors. I went through what I went through but I never let it get in the way of my studies. I was determined to excel and so I did, then came the “hell semester”. I was tired from all the drama from the first semester. Being away from my daughter drained me and so I gave in. I failed two of my modules that semester and had to go back to complete them in 2017 second semester, this wasn’t much of a hell semester because I stayed home for six months doing nothing . I then wrapped up my three year degree after a very long five year period
In 2014 April I lost my brother, my parent’s first son, after being sick for a while, his body couldn’t take the pain anymore and eventually gave in, during the course of that year. I couldn’t cope with losing him, he was my brother, he was my future children’s big uncle, the world didn’t make sense without him in it, but I guess it was God’s will, two days before my brother passed away in hospital, he called me with our mother’s phone. He couldn’t talk properly, he was in pure pain, but he had something to tell me, and so he pushed through the pain to say it, he said “ I want you to do me a favor, go to school, read your books and complete your degree, make our parents proud, wipe the shame away from our family and put a stop to our family’s enemies laughing at our parents, go to school Majos”. I promised him that I would, even if it’s the last thing I do, I will do it, two days later I was summoned home by our dad and that’s when I was told he had passed away, brother may your beautiful soul rest in eternal harmonic peace.
I have received two messages from the university of Limpopo inviting me to come graduate on the 13th of April 2018. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it, the journey was long, the institution groomed me as an academic and also as a woman. I went there as a girl and I am coming out as a warrior, an Imbokodo, I have been through a lot in that school to know that there is no challenge I cannot defeat. People ask me, now that you have completed your degree, when are you getting married. Because normally after a degree comes a wedding, did u meet your husband in university of Limpopo? And my response is always no, I am not getting married to anyone, in actual fact, I am yet to meet the man who will marry me, that’s if he exists, but I didn’t come back with just a degree, a came back with a daughter, whom my mom calls a “degree of life” hahahha. So I came back with two degrees. I basically killed two birds with one stone, I am a learned woman whom is a single mother and as life goes on, I will continue to learn, this is just the beginning.
To all the girls out there who feel the need to give up because circumstances are against them, it may be the same challenges as mine, or may be financial problems back at home, or you may be the bread winner of your family, I don’t know what your going through but whatever it is, hear me when I say, persist until you succeed, nothing ever lasts forever, today might seem like the pain and the tears will never wear off but believe me when I say they will, don’t let it stress you out, give it to GOD and let it go. As black women we don’t always do what we want to do, but we always do what we have to do, you have the strength. GOD gave us women to survive, never under estimate what you can go through, you have the strength of Goliath in you and the courage of mama Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, never under estimate yourself, go out there black child, and fight, fight for you’re spot in the world, fight for your seat, you don’t need a man to validate you, you don’t need a man to define you. GOD gave you all the tools you need to make it in this world without a man’s help, get that money girl its yours, get that house, that car, that degree, get those children and raise them, hold your chin up black child, because YOU GOT THIS!”.
“Keep your head high and let the climate conditions of life remind you that cold weathers do not last forever yet they contribute to better developments. Every human-being is made up of capabilities, abilities and strength to suave throughout this life journey. Therefore, every human-being has a potential to can defeat the adversities as part and parcel of life”– Lebronnyconcepts!